Kissll Me!
by Rosswen
Summary: It's just Sasuke, Naruto, a golf ball, and... a frog to kiss? [AU, SasuNaruSasu, Oneshot]


**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Warnings: AU, Shounen-ai, OOC, unbetaed-plase forgive the mistakes.**

**A/N: Hello, welcome to this one shot! I'm not sure if it's SasuNaru or NaruSasu, but I guess it doesn't matter. Hope you like it, please enjoy!**

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"Where is my black t-shirt?!" Sasuke yelled furiously as he threw everything in his closet out.

"Where you left it!" Came his muffled reply.

Cursing under his breath, Sasuke left the changing room quickly and went to the bedroom, where he found Ruki lying on the bed lazily. Remote in one hand, the other delivering crisps into his sinfully beautiful mouth once in a while. He didn't acknowledge Sasuke as he stormed into the room.

"If I knew where it's I wouldn't ask you, would I?!" Sasuke shouted again, getting even angrier at Naruto's unresponsiveness.

He hadn't gotten enough rest last night, as his mind was busy with some business –as always- and he couldn't find his favorite black t-shirt and now his lover was acting like a lazy butt, which he was actually. And, _moreover_, he couldn't find his favorite BLACK t-shirt! For God's sake! Why it had to be that one, not others? There were plenty of black t-shirts in his closet.

"Do I look like your mommy?" Naruto asked as he licked his fingers.

"Hey! Don't involve my mom in this while you're licking your fingers!" Sasuke yelled disgustedly. "She was a great woman!"

"Sure, she was!" Naruto spat as he stood up. "She couldn't teach you how to collect your ass!"

"I said don't involve my mom! You… You," Sasuke was having hard time with finding a proper insult. "Fucking bastard!"

"Shut up, you duck butted failure!"

"What kind of insult is that?!"

"My kind of!" Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs.

"Quit yelling me shorty!" Sasuke shouted back.

"You started it, and I'm not shorty! Besides," A smirk covered Naruto's face as he spoke. "We both know who is shorty!"

A deep blush covered Sasuke's face and automatically his hands covered his crotch.

"Sasu-chan is not shorty!" Sasuke yelled after regaining his composure.

"Oohohohohooo!" Naruto laughed fakely. "If Sasu-chan is not shorty, then Naru-chan is the biggest banana ever!" He said as he pointed his own crotch.

"Sasu-chan is not shorty!"

"He is!"

"He is not!"

"He is too!"

Neither Sasuke nor Naruto heard the knock on their door between the shouts.

The butler of the mansion, Neji, opened the door softly and stepped into the familiar scene. He watched the two lovers for a while, and then coughed loudly.

"Ahem, ahem!"

The lovers didn't acknowledge him, so he tried again,

"Sir… Uchiha-sama, Uzumaki-sama?"

Again, no response.

"Masters!" Neji shouted loudly, trying to make himself visible.

He managed this time, because the duo stopped yelling each other and turned to him.

"WHAT?!" They yelled in unison.

Neji stepped back with shaking legs, trying to keep a safe distance between himself and the two godzillas.

"I've just come here to tell you that I had a call from the Club, my masters. They said that, there is a special tournament, and they would be delighted if you honor them with your presence."

"FINE!" The two yelled again.

"Make sure the car is ready," Sasuke said, softly this time. "You may go now."

Neji nodded silently, and left the room with swift steps, glad that he was still in one piece.

The two didn't speak after that, and changed as quickly as possible. After fifteen minutes, they were heading towards the Golf Club in a black limousine. The two occupants of the car sat as far as possible from each other –and quiet far actually; neither was speaking, only watching the city's crowded streets.

When the vehicle stopped at the gates of the Club, Sasuke tidied his expensive jacket, and alighted as his door was opened for him.

He changed his face from the blank ,_oh I'm gonna kill you in a second,_ to the sweet ,_I'm the most charming man,_ smile.

Sasuke talked with the employees for a while, and then held out his hand into the car. Naruto took Sasuke's hand before getting out. He smiled warmly at Sasuke, and then spoke gently,

"Thank you, my love." _I think I'm gonna throw up._

Sasuke smiled back. "Of course." _Yeah, speak to my hand_.

After changing their cloths, they went to the green grass covered huge area, where Sasuke began to do his sport, as Naruto watched him with the most annoyed expression.

He couldn't understand riches, really. Trying to put a little ball in a hole… They were calling this sport! Ridiculous. But, Naruto knew better than that. He knew exactly what to put in a hole, if the _necessity_ rouse.

Naruto stopped his musing as he heard Sasuke's snort.

"What?" He asked, as he looked at Sasuke's angry face.

"I missed my ball," Sasuke said, and pointed the area behind Naruto.

Naruto turned behind, but all he could see was a group of trees around a little pond.

"So, what?" He asked again as he turned to Sasuke. "Use another one."

"Nooo," Sasuke whined. "That was my lucky ball!"

"Lucky ball? Are you kidding?"

"Nooo," Sasuke whined again. "Naruto, I want it back!"

"Go, get it then," Naruto said matter of factly.

"No, you get it, you're closer!"

Naruto looked at Sasuke, and then at his own feet. "Yeah, I'm closer with –what, ten steps?" He said mockingly.

"I'm in a tournament, I can't live here," Sasuke narrowed his eyes as he spoke. "And, if you don't bring it back, I'll sing hip-hop all night long!"

Naruto's eyes widened after hearing Sasuke's words. "You…" He began, but couldn't end his words. That _meant_ torment. A sane person wouldn't want to be near to Sasuke when he sang hip-hop. It was like making a dog kiss a cat, or making Louis Armstrong sing rap, or, or… Make Eminem sing j-rock!

With a sudden movement, Naruto turned to his back, and began to walk into the pond.

"Spoiled rich brat!"

"Hey, I heard that!"

"That was the main idea, moron!

"Idiot!" Sasuke yelled after Naruto, who showed him the finger.

Sasuke breathed deeply. _Why I'm still putting up with him?_ He thought as he turned to his task. _Oh, right… He has a fucking amazing body._

"Why I'm still putting up with him?" Naruto asked to himself as he scanned the area with his eyes. "Oh, right… He's footing my bills."

Naruto searched the grass covered area thoroughly. But, with no luck. Cursing like a sailor, he began to look into the bushes that encircled the pond.

Suddenly, Naruto head a earsplitting voice,

"Hey!"

He looked around but couldn't see anyone. Shaking his head, and worrying for his own mental health, Naruto began his search again.

"I said HEY!" Came the voice again.

Naruto looked around again, but all he could see was Sasuke's distant form.

"Where are you?" Naruto asked into the air.

"Right down here!"

Following the voice, Naruto took a few steps, and got onto his knees. There was a messy bush in the water, and it was shaking lazily.

There, he found a frog, obviously stuck in there. The strange thing about the frog was that, he had a human head, with a –nearly dying away- cigarette hanging out of his mouth. He had dark hair which was tied back in a pony tail, making it look like a pineapple,and little dark eyes.

"Help me out, dude!" The frog spoke, and Naruto's eyes widened with disbelief.

"You… You are speaking!"

"Wow, you are an intelligent one!" The frog mocked.

"But, you are a frog!"

"Nah, you must be genius!" The frog mocked again. "We all see that! Now, will you help me?!"

"Iyyykk!" Naruto made a face that was matching with his _ıyykk_. "I can't touch frogs!"

The frog sighed before speaking, "Man, humans are such a drag... Okay, let's take this slow," He said, and began to speak like he would do a kid. Actually, kids had more imagination than adults, so he would prefer a curious kid instead of a stupid adult. "My name is Shikamaru, what's yours?"

"Naruto," Naruto answered slowly.

"Good," said Shikamaru, as he spat the stub out of his mouth. "Naruto, you have cigarette? Because I need some nicotine before continuing on."

Naruto nodded slowly, and took a cigarette from his back pocket, where he had hidden it as they changed cloths, because Sasuke hated any smoky thing.

Carefully, Naruto placed it in Shikamaru the frog's mouth, and lighted it. Shikamaru took a deep breath, and closed his eyes in ecstasy for a while.

"Ohh… Even better."

"I didn't know that frogs could speak," Naruto said after a while as he lighted a cigarette for himself.

"Normally, they can't," said Shikamaru. "But, obviously, I'm not a normal frog. I'm magical!"

"Magical?" Naruto asked excitedly.

"That's right!" said Shikamaru, happy to have Naruto's attention. "And, if you…"

His words were cut short, as Naruto spoke suddenly,

"Ewww," Naruto made a disgusted sound. "No fucking way I'm kissing a frog!"

"Hey!" Shikamaru shouted, and looked around worriedly. "Don't use _frog_ and _kiss_ in the same sentence! What if Temari hears?"

"Who's Temari?" Naruto asked.

"My girl," Shikamaru answered. "Sometimes, she gets jealous like crazy. But, she's everything a frog could ask for. She's hardworking, she always finds us bugs to eat, and she never croaks too much… And," Shikamaru added the last words smugly. "She's wonderful on the pond lily…"

"Wow! How you two…" Naruto began, but trailed off. "Never mind… wish I was a frog too, so I could find my own Temari."

"Hey!" Shikamaru shouted again. "Don't use _frog_ and my _Temari _in the same sentence!"

"Hah! Who is jealous now?" Naruto asked mockingly. "But, seriously man, I envy you… My lover is a bitch," Naruto said, and thought for a while as he rubbed his chin. "Maybe I'm a bitch too… I dunno…"

"Well, looks like complicated," Shikamaru said, and after Naruto's nod spoke again, "As much as I liked chatting with you; this place gets just too uncomfortable to sit in. So, Naruto let's have a deal," After drawing Naruto's all attention he continued, "If you help me out of here, I'll make your three wishes come true."

Naruto raised his eyebrows, and then looked around searchingly.

"Wha- What?!" Shikamaru looked around as well, but since he sat in a bunch of bush he didn't have the chance of seeing what Naruto saw.

"I don't know," Naruto said. "I think I'm a good boy. Maybe I can see the smurfs."

"Smurfs are not real!" Shikamaru shouted.

"Yeah, and they say frogs cannot speak."

"Oookay, I got it. But, seriously! At least I'm still frog –what are they? –No answer? That's right! You even don't know what they are!" Shikamaru stopped to breath for a while. "C'mon man, you won't lose anything! Worry not, I don't bite."

"Uhm, okay then," With that Naruto leaned forward, and carefully helped Shikamaru out of the bushes.

"Man!" Once he was out, Shikamaru threw himself onto the soft grass, and lied there for a while, breathing deeply, filling his little lungs with sweet air.

"So," Naruto began after some time, which Shikamaru recovered. "Won't you ask my wishes?"

"Yes," Shikamaru said, as he sat up. "But, I forgot to mention something."

"And, what is it?" Naruto asked quickly.

"Whatever you ask for, your lover will get ten times of it," Shikamaru said.

Naruto thought for a while. "Well… That's okay, I guess. We're lovers after all. Whatever mine is his, whatever his is mine… blah, blah…"

"Okay, then. Tell me your first wish," Shikamaru the frog said.

"I wanna be the most beautiful being alive!" Naruto said excitedly.

"Are you sure?" Shikamaru asked. "Your lover will be more beautiful than you."

"Yes," Naruto said determinately. "If he's the most beautiful and I'm the second, then he won't be able to find anyone better than me."

"Okay," said Shikamaru simply, and closed his eyes for a while.

Naruto felt a strange aura around him. He looked at his hands, and surprisingly saw how the calluses left his fingers.

"There," Shikamaru opened his eyes. "You have it."

Smiling, Naruto turned to the pond to take a look at his reflection. As soon as he saw it, he gasped. His hair was longer, and healthy, with a beautiful color, between gold and white. His skin was deliciously pale, and under his perfect eyebrows, his warm blue eyes were shining brightly. His full lips were an eye-catching pink, and all Naruto wanted at that time was to make out with himself.

"Wow!" Naruto exclaimed as he turned to Shikamaru. "I think I've fallen in love!"

"Yeah, happens to everyone," Shikamaru said as he looked disturbingly disinterested.

"And, you…You didn't fall for me?" Naruto asked.

"Noup, I have my Temari. And, besides, you talk too much for my taste," Shikamaru said indifferently.

"Oh, shut up greenny!" Naruto shouted.

"Okay, okay! What's your second wish?" Shikamaru waved his green hands.

"I wanna be the richest human on the world!" Naruto said eagerly.

"You sure? Your lover will be richer than you," Shikamaru reminded.

"Yeah," Naruto said. "Mine his, his mine, and all other shit."

"Okay," Shikamaru said as he shrugged. He closed his eyes for a while, and then opened them slowly. "Done. You're the richest after your lover."

Suddenly, Naruto felt his pockets as they got heavy. He groped them, and then took off the materials that filled them. As soon as he saw _that_ much money, he squealed like a little girl.

Shikamaru covered his ears with his little green hands, and waited like that till he was sure Naruto wouldn't damage his ears anymore.

"Euros?" Naruto asked after the first wave of shock as he looked at the banknotes in his hands.

"Yeah," Shikamaru said. "Do you know what the nominal exchange rate is?"

At Naruto's negative shook, he spoke again, "I thought so, never mind. So, what's your last wish?"

Naruto left all the money to the side, and then looked at Shikamaru's face with the most innocent smile, so innocent that, it was obviously fake. Shikamaru's eyebrows rose as Naruto spoke again.

"Now," Naruto purred softly. "Can I have a little heart attack?"

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**Thanks for reading!**


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